"Suck my dick." - Granola Daniel, 1951

Granola Daniel is an eccentric man who lived in Catan. His exact age is unknown but letters collected by Granola Daniel historians have found letters in his name dating from 1621 to September 1951. This makes him more than 330 years old as of 1951, and since he also fought as a robot in the future for the Guerrilla War, he is probably currently around 400 years old. He is probably related to Dom because they both have mustaches.

Catanese Civil War Edit

Granola Daniel fought in the Catanese Civil War alongside Nick Murphy and Paul Ritchey in 1621. In a letter to his friend Wolf Manstein, Daniels tells of the hardships faced in the war. Supplies were running low, the weather was growing colder, and he was concerned for Nick Murphy's life and had a hunch that Paul Ritchey was going to shoot him.

Sammy Sosa Softball League Edit

In the 1950s, Daniel was a member of the Sammy Sosa Softball League (SSSL). In a 1951 letter to the commissioner of baseball, Daniel asks that Paul Ritchey be removed from the league due to Daniel's racism-fueled prejudice against Italians.

The Japanese War Edit


Daniel during the Japanese War

In an unspecified time, Granola Daniel fought in the Japanese War. He was flown to Japan and kicked ass for seven weeks straight. Despite his service, Daniel was never compensated. He wrote a letter to then-president Barack Obama asking for at least $750 to be given to him for his service via email.

The Guerrilla War Edit

In the year 3045, Granola Daniel fought in the Guerrilla War in space alongside his partner Cliff Taintcop. The two were dropped into the battle zone via helicopter and were able to kill the entire guerrilla army in 35 minutes. Once again, Daniel was not compensated for his service upon returning to the United States. The United States government denied ever even owning a helicopter despite having one sitting in their backyard.

Personal Life Edit


Daniel during the Guerrilla War

Granola Daniel was a self-admitted racist, and was very prejudiced against Italians.

Daniel collected large amounts of pornography during the 17th century.

In a letter to the president, Daniel refers to Cliff Taintcop as his "partner". It is unknown whether this means they were lovers or just really close friends... but they were probably lovers.

Quotes Edit

  • "And then I realized why they called it a 'Guerrilla War', 'cause you gotta be goin' bananas to accept a job like that."
  • "...Let's just say, me and old Cliff were crazier than a knife in a dog fight."
  • "P.S. Suck my dick."
  • "If I too should meet an untimely demise please throw all my pornography away."
  • "Bring 'em back home, Obama!"
Continue? Granola Daniel Compilation

Continue? Granola Daniel Compilation